Friday, June 29, 2007
Sorry guys...
OK, so I really haven't had much time to blog lately. I am finishing up my classes next week, so there is a ton of work for those. On Monday of this week, I started working at the Highlands School! I love it so far, but it's just been training. It's been neat to see and hear the different ways they do things! I am adding all kinds of ideas to my figurative "bag of tricks :)" I can't wait for the kiddies to get there.... We got a new car last week, so that's been a relief. The older car isn't getting as much use and I am able to meet up with my friend and carpool most mornings, so we both get to save some gas! My mom's birthday was Wednesday, and my brother's is next Friday... uhhh Ben and I are approaching our 6 month wedding anniversary. Other than that, not much is going on.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Meme? 8 Random Facts about Me!
Here are eight random facts about me, pretty much one of the most random people you'll ever meet!
1. My husband, Ben, and I have five fish: 3 goldfish named Bertha, SuperTrooper, and Crash Bandicoot AND 2 Bettas: his is Spike and mine is Magma
2. I completely adore the Roloff's and am saddened if I miss Little People Big World on a Monday night when the new episodes are on! And, if I could meet any celebrity, I would choose to spend a day on the Roloff farm chillin' with the fam.... just not during the fall because that trebechet thing scares me!!!
3. I decided to get crafty, and I made five fun polka-dotted pillows for the living room about a month ago! I made a small quilt to match and hung it on the wall. They might not be the most high-quality pieces of work, but dag on it, I made them myself and they are functional... the pillows at least!!
4. For the first 17 years of my life, I thought that my middle name was spelled differently than my mom spelled it on my birth certificate. I started spelling it the legal way, and it didn't go over really well with some of my dad's siblings... I got my own name corrected by them in grad cards and stuff! Give me a break! I didn't spell it that way on my birth certificate, and I was the one who had to deal with the harsh reality, in my late teens, that I had been spelling it wrong my whole life!!! (My mom spelled it Jeanett on my B.C. and I think I spelled it Jeannette growing up.... someone tell me how my grandmother spelled it!?!!) Making this long story short, I dropped it when I got married! No offense to my "name-sake," but the trauma of the spelling made me not so fond of it... It's bad enough people call me LindsAy
5. On the topic of name spellings, whenever I meet another Linds(a)(e)y, I immediately ask if she is an "ey." If she is, I think she is awesome, and if she is an "ay," I secretly think that her parents couldn't spell.... And, when new people are writing my name for the first time, I always spell it!!!
6. I am a little bit of a myspace/facebook/youtube/google addict. I am taking online classes at the moment and how sad is it that the internet distracts me from my internet classes!?
7. I love teaching and tutoring math. Math was my least favorite subject as a kid, and now I love teaching it!! I think it might be because I have learned all kinds of fun ways to teach concepts and I crave the "ah-hah" look on my students' faces, because I rarely had it as a child!!
8. I keep begging Ben to buy me a Nintendo Wii for Christmas. I am not your typical wife.... most of us want diamonds, but I am begging for a video game system! I do argue that it would be awesome when entertaining though! But then think about how crappy it would be if we made friends because of it!
There you go!
1. My husband, Ben, and I have five fish: 3 goldfish named Bertha, SuperTrooper, and Crash Bandicoot AND 2 Bettas: his is Spike and mine is Magma
2. I completely adore the Roloff's and am saddened if I miss Little People Big World on a Monday night when the new episodes are on! And, if I could meet any celebrity, I would choose to spend a day on the Roloff farm chillin' with the fam.... just not during the fall because that trebechet thing scares me!!!
3. I decided to get crafty, and I made five fun polka-dotted pillows for the living room about a month ago! I made a small quilt to match and hung it on the wall. They might not be the most high-quality pieces of work, but dag on it, I made them myself and they are functional... the pillows at least!!
4. For the first 17 years of my life, I thought that my middle name was spelled differently than my mom spelled it on my birth certificate. I started spelling it the legal way, and it didn't go over really well with some of my dad's siblings... I got my own name corrected by them in grad cards and stuff! Give me a break! I didn't spell it that way on my birth certificate, and I was the one who had to deal with the harsh reality, in my late teens, that I had been spelling it wrong my whole life!!! (My mom spelled it Jeanett on my B.C. and I think I spelled it Jeannette growing up.... someone tell me how my grandmother spelled it!?!!) Making this long story short, I dropped it when I got married! No offense to my "name-sake," but the trauma of the spelling made me not so fond of it... It's bad enough people call me LindsAy
5. On the topic of name spellings, whenever I meet another Linds(a)(e)y, I immediately ask if she is an "ey." If she is, I think she is awesome, and if she is an "ay," I secretly think that her parents couldn't spell.... And, when new people are writing my name for the first time, I always spell it!!!
6. I am a little bit of a myspace/facebook/youtube/google addict. I am taking online classes at the moment and how sad is it that the internet distracts me from my internet classes!?
7. I love teaching and tutoring math. Math was my least favorite subject as a kid, and now I love teaching it!! I think it might be because I have learned all kinds of fun ways to teach concepts and I crave the "ah-hah" look on my students' faces, because I rarely had it as a child!!
8. I keep begging Ben to buy me a Nintendo Wii for Christmas. I am not your typical wife.... most of us want diamonds, but I am begging for a video game system! I do argue that it would be awesome when entertaining though! But then think about how crappy it would be if we made friends because of it!
There you go!
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
to please His Heavenly Father
ENTRY #2 - Christ Suffered and Died TO PLEASE HIS HEAVENLY FATHER.
As I stated in my last entry, I am going through John Piper's The Passion of Jesus Christ and reflecting a little on each of the reasons he lists for Jesus dying for me, and well, you, too!
This second reason he died was to please His Heavenly Father! The most striking thing about this reason to me is the mention of the "paradox" of the New Testament, or the fact that God pours out wrath, yet loves like no other. The suffering of Jesus was due to the pouring out of wrath for all of the sin of the world, yet the reason for this is love. God loves all of us, as we are His creations, and wants for us to have a way to come to Him in obedience and submission. Obedience and submission are just two of the reasons Jesus went through with His fate of dying on the cross for our sins!
Obedience. Doing what you're told. Submission. Not thinking twice about it, or questioning the one directing you. I believe the two go hand in hand. They're both so hard to follow through on though, if we're really honest.
I have always been one who likes things my way and I usually can figure out how to get things done that way. I have trouble trusting other people, since I have been hurt way too many times in my life. As an adult I still struggle with things that went on my childhood, things that I don't want to drudge up necessarily, but things that really do influence who I am. I've always had to be a go-getter and be the one who made sure I was taken care of. In this, I find that it is extrememly difficult for me to be submissive. I am used to figuring everything out for myself.
This attitude in me needs some altering. I need to remember that God may have given me the brains and wits to figure things out, but I HAVE to look to him and obey what He is telling me. Sometimes I won't be able to figure things out because sometimes God wants to teach me something through the process of waiting on His solution. I have to learn what it means to submit to Him!
I suppose giving up some of my tendency to just get things figured out by myself could be somewhat of an offering to God. I think it would please Him if I would just love Him enough to give up the little stuff, and in all reality the big stuff. If I keep Ephesians 5:2 in mind, which says, "Christ loved us and died for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to the Lord," then I think that in the times where I want to be self sufficient, I can remember that Christ loves me, and I never could have done for myself what He did for me!
As I stated in my last entry, I am going through John Piper's The Passion of Jesus Christ and reflecting a little on each of the reasons he lists for Jesus dying for me, and well, you, too!
This second reason he died was to please His Heavenly Father! The most striking thing about this reason to me is the mention of the "paradox" of the New Testament, or the fact that God pours out wrath, yet loves like no other. The suffering of Jesus was due to the pouring out of wrath for all of the sin of the world, yet the reason for this is love. God loves all of us, as we are His creations, and wants for us to have a way to come to Him in obedience and submission. Obedience and submission are just two of the reasons Jesus went through with His fate of dying on the cross for our sins!
Obedience. Doing what you're told. Submission. Not thinking twice about it, or questioning the one directing you. I believe the two go hand in hand. They're both so hard to follow through on though, if we're really honest.
I have always been one who likes things my way and I usually can figure out how to get things done that way. I have trouble trusting other people, since I have been hurt way too many times in my life. As an adult I still struggle with things that went on my childhood, things that I don't want to drudge up necessarily, but things that really do influence who I am. I've always had to be a go-getter and be the one who made sure I was taken care of. In this, I find that it is extrememly difficult for me to be submissive. I am used to figuring everything out for myself.
This attitude in me needs some altering. I need to remember that God may have given me the brains and wits to figure things out, but I HAVE to look to him and obey what He is telling me. Sometimes I won't be able to figure things out because sometimes God wants to teach me something through the process of waiting on His solution. I have to learn what it means to submit to Him!
I suppose giving up some of my tendency to just get things figured out by myself could be somewhat of an offering to God. I think it would please Him if I would just love Him enough to give up the little stuff, and in all reality the big stuff. If I keep Ephesians 5:2 in mind, which says, "Christ loved us and died for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to the Lord," then I think that in the times where I want to be self sufficient, I can remember that Christ loves me, and I never could have done for myself what He did for me!
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Suffering... Where's the Passion?!
Alright. I had no idea that God would set me up for this one. He's so awesome though, that He works things out before I get to them.
Today has been quite a day. We took the car to get looked at, and found that for now, $80 later that the reason it cut off was that the battery cables were loose and corroded. Nice.
I then had to go steal my sister from work, since she has been having some issues and I really thought she needed to go to the doctor. We were at Patient First for probably at least 3 hours this morning/early AM. Now she has an appointment with a specialist tomorrow, and I am going with her to that as well. Ummm...
I am taking all these crazy classes and everything was pretty much due for this week by midnight Monday. I had put it all off.... typical. So I am plugging away at that.
I get a call from my mom that she had to take my uncle to the ER. At that point they had been sitting there for two hours. Apparently it was extremely busy in there. So, my brother was home alone. For those of us who know his care needs, we know that he can be alone for a little while, but when he needs things that are out of reach, there is a problem. I got over there about 8:00, woke him up for meds, took him some dinner, and said I would stay until my mom got back.
So I am over at my Mom's trying to get things done before the magic cutoff at midnight, and of course her laptop has Windows Vista and the program for my online classes isn't compatible. That was fun, but it worked out. I started to get really worried by midnight, so when I woke up my brother for the midnight round of fun and excitement (yeah... he has to take medicine and take care of things every four hours.. everyday) we decided that I should call Upper Chesapeake. I finally had the operator figure out where they were. Still in the ER. Yeah, they went there riiight after his 3pm doctor's appointment.
I told her to call me in 2 hours, unless she'd be home before that. Well, I heard the door opening a little after 2 and woke up from my "cat nap." Turns out he was still in a holding room because there were no beds, but they are keeping him at least 24 hours because they hooked him up to an EKG. They're running a bunch of tests... he never does well with anything where he has to be away from home.
So, I came home, and Ben's asleep because he is determined that he is going to go to his new job tomorrow. Well, I mean in a few hours :) So yeah. I am wide awake and I decided that instead of tossing and turning or watching TV in bed and keeping him awake, that I would blog.
Which brings me to the whole idea and inspiration for this blog. I picked up a copy of The Passion of Jesus Christ by John Piper on Sunday at church. I had read bits and pieces of it a few years ago when a student in a class I was substituting for at the middle school was telling me about it. I remember it being a pretty good book, so I decided that I wanted to read a reason why he died everyday and reflect and blog a little bit about how that reason affects me and what I am doing about it in my life. I think God was setting me up for a powerful time of trusting in him after my crazy day. I have to be honest and say that I feel very peaceful about all of the things that are flying out of my control, with the health of my family, our only mode of transportation acting up, and just the stress that goes along with all of this. So, I will get to my point:
ENTRY #1 - Christ suffered and died TO ABSORB THE WRATH OF GOD -
The text of this book, and others by John Piper can be found in PDF format at http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/OnlineBooks/ByTitle/
In summary, this reason for His suffering was to be the propitiation, or substitute for us paying the price for our sin. I remember when I first heard the word propitiation. It is still hard for me to wrap my mind around. If I can quote the text of the book, which is referring to Romans 3:25, "It refers to the removal of God's wrath by providing a substitute. The substitute is provided by God himself. The substitute, Jesus Christ, does not just cancel the wrath; he absorbs it and diverts it from us to himself. God's wrath is just, and it was spent, not withdrawn."
For some reason, after I read that I think about how within science they talk about how energy isn't really created, it's just transferred. The same is true here in a different sort of way. God is always fair and just. He loves us, and went so far as to send His only Son to suffer and bleed and die a horrible death on a cross for sins He never even committed. All of the things we do everyday, including the times when we do not respect God for who He is in light of his wonder. Just as energy never goes away, the fact that our sin needs to be paid for never goes away either. What does go away is the sin of the forgiven. That is a miraculous energy transfer that none of us can comprehend!
This also makes me think about how people get upset that God, even though He is so loving, would allow people to suffer or even further, to spend an eternity apart from Him. I have heard more than enough times, people saying that they are angry with God for what ever trauma they are going through at the moment and how they can't understand how people can say that He loves us when bad things happen in the world, or more specifically to them. Alright, well let's look at it this way. We're all sinners, right? We have all fallen short of God's glory. If He really wanted to be "fair" in the way we see things from a worldly perspective, He could just leave us all here for dead because we make Him mad everyday. He would have every right to just let us suffer, without hope, and bury ourselves in the hole we dig for ourselves. But, He doesn't. He sent His Son, and I still have trouble trying to put my mind around this when I step back and try to look at it from the angle that I want to understand it, not just take it for granted because I hear about it every Sunday morning. He sent HIS SON to suffer on our behalf, even while we are making a fool of Him, not appreciating Him, and selfishly forgetting about Him everyday. His Son took upon Himself the punishment for all of the wrong we do! He gave us the most important and useful gift we will ever be offered. We just need to accept it.
So, next time I hear someone talking about how they just can't believe how God would do "this" to them, I really need to not just stand back and nod or ignore what they are saying. I need to speak up. I need to let people know that while we think we are all suffering here, which we really are in all actuality, that because He paid the penalty for all of the "crap" we do everyday, we don't have to live in suffering forever. We just have to accept that gift of forgiveness, accepting that a designated hitter came in and took care of the punishment part for us.
"In this is love,not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the [wrath absorbing] propitiation for our sins" (1 John 4:10).
Today has been quite a day. We took the car to get looked at, and found that for now, $80 later that the reason it cut off was that the battery cables were loose and corroded. Nice.
I then had to go steal my sister from work, since she has been having some issues and I really thought she needed to go to the doctor. We were at Patient First for probably at least 3 hours this morning/early AM. Now she has an appointment with a specialist tomorrow, and I am going with her to that as well. Ummm...
I am taking all these crazy classes and everything was pretty much due for this week by midnight Monday. I had put it all off.... typical. So I am plugging away at that.
I get a call from my mom that she had to take my uncle to the ER. At that point they had been sitting there for two hours. Apparently it was extremely busy in there. So, my brother was home alone. For those of us who know his care needs, we know that he can be alone for a little while, but when he needs things that are out of reach, there is a problem. I got over there about 8:00, woke him up for meds, took him some dinner, and said I would stay until my mom got back.
So I am over at my Mom's trying to get things done before the magic cutoff at midnight, and of course her laptop has Windows Vista and the program for my online classes isn't compatible. That was fun, but it worked out. I started to get really worried by midnight, so when I woke up my brother for the midnight round of fun and excitement (yeah... he has to take medicine and take care of things every four hours.. everyday) we decided that I should call Upper Chesapeake. I finally had the operator figure out where they were. Still in the ER. Yeah, they went there riiight after his 3pm doctor's appointment.
I told her to call me in 2 hours, unless she'd be home before that. Well, I heard the door opening a little after 2 and woke up from my "cat nap." Turns out he was still in a holding room because there were no beds, but they are keeping him at least 24 hours because they hooked him up to an EKG. They're running a bunch of tests... he never does well with anything where he has to be away from home.
So, I came home, and Ben's asleep because he is determined that he is going to go to his new job tomorrow. Well, I mean in a few hours :) So yeah. I am wide awake and I decided that instead of tossing and turning or watching TV in bed and keeping him awake, that I would blog.
Which brings me to the whole idea and inspiration for this blog. I picked up a copy of The Passion of Jesus Christ by John Piper on Sunday at church. I had read bits and pieces of it a few years ago when a student in a class I was substituting for at the middle school was telling me about it. I remember it being a pretty good book, so I decided that I wanted to read a reason why he died everyday and reflect and blog a little bit about how that reason affects me and what I am doing about it in my life. I think God was setting me up for a powerful time of trusting in him after my crazy day. I have to be honest and say that I feel very peaceful about all of the things that are flying out of my control, with the health of my family, our only mode of transportation acting up, and just the stress that goes along with all of this. So, I will get to my point:
ENTRY #1 - Christ suffered and died TO ABSORB THE WRATH OF GOD -
The text of this book, and others by John Piper can be found in PDF format at http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/OnlineBooks/ByTitle/
In summary, this reason for His suffering was to be the propitiation, or substitute for us paying the price for our sin. I remember when I first heard the word propitiation. It is still hard for me to wrap my mind around. If I can quote the text of the book, which is referring to Romans 3:25, "It refers to the removal of God's wrath by providing a substitute. The substitute is provided by God himself. The substitute, Jesus Christ, does not just cancel the wrath; he absorbs it and diverts it from us to himself. God's wrath is just, and it was spent, not withdrawn."
For some reason, after I read that I think about how within science they talk about how energy isn't really created, it's just transferred. The same is true here in a different sort of way. God is always fair and just. He loves us, and went so far as to send His only Son to suffer and bleed and die a horrible death on a cross for sins He never even committed. All of the things we do everyday, including the times when we do not respect God for who He is in light of his wonder. Just as energy never goes away, the fact that our sin needs to be paid for never goes away either. What does go away is the sin of the forgiven. That is a miraculous energy transfer that none of us can comprehend!
This also makes me think about how people get upset that God, even though He is so loving, would allow people to suffer or even further, to spend an eternity apart from Him. I have heard more than enough times, people saying that they are angry with God for what ever trauma they are going through at the moment and how they can't understand how people can say that He loves us when bad things happen in the world, or more specifically to them. Alright, well let's look at it this way. We're all sinners, right? We have all fallen short of God's glory. If He really wanted to be "fair" in the way we see things from a worldly perspective, He could just leave us all here for dead because we make Him mad everyday. He would have every right to just let us suffer, without hope, and bury ourselves in the hole we dig for ourselves. But, He doesn't. He sent His Son, and I still have trouble trying to put my mind around this when I step back and try to look at it from the angle that I want to understand it, not just take it for granted because I hear about it every Sunday morning. He sent HIS SON to suffer on our behalf, even while we are making a fool of Him, not appreciating Him, and selfishly forgetting about Him everyday. His Son took upon Himself the punishment for all of the wrong we do! He gave us the most important and useful gift we will ever be offered. We just need to accept it.
So, next time I hear someone talking about how they just can't believe how God would do "this" to them, I really need to not just stand back and nod or ignore what they are saying. I need to speak up. I need to let people know that while we think we are all suffering here, which we really are in all actuality, that because He paid the penalty for all of the "crap" we do everyday, we don't have to live in suffering forever. We just have to accept that gift of forgiveness, accepting that a designated hitter came in and took care of the punishment part for us.
"In this is love,not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the [wrath absorbing] propitiation for our sins" (1 John 4:10).
Sunday, June 3, 2007
wow...
Today was quite a day. I am not really all that affected by it, but it was quite a day nonetheless!
We went to church this morning, car acting fine... things are so different there now, and I LOOOVE it, by the way. Anyway, we got into the car to drive to the Aberdeen Walmart, then home to the apartment, via route 40. We were at the stoplight at the intersection of 40 and W. Bel Air Ave., and as soon as I hit the accelerator to go, the car started to act all crazy. It did it's typical sluggish gear transition, then the battery light came on and the TRAC OFF light came on. I knew I had to get it off the road, because it was spazzing. Thank God I was in the slow lane. I pulled it right into a parked position right by Dee's Florist, and as I did, the steering wheel went dead.... Crazy enough, I seriously didn't panic! I really didn't, I was more like... wow, so I made it off the road before it died... I put it into park, then took the key out. Then, I started it back up and long story short, it's sitting in front of my Mom's. We're having Whitney take us to have it looked at in the morning. Apparently it appears that the problem is electrical now and not with the transmission which is a HUGE relief! We'll see what happens tomorrow!
This is actually funny to me... Last week Ben was aggrevated with me because I was telling him that he needed to be searching for a job closer to home, preferably in Harford County. He was online looking for a while and was getting annoyed because he wasn't finding anything new. I said to him, more matter of factly than I ever really do, "If God doesn't want you going to that job in Hanover, you won't be going." He was due to start there tomorrow, and now it doesn't look like he will be, do to our car situation. He had an interview on Friday with a contracting company on Post. The job pays a lot better and is closer to home. My sister's boyfriend used to work there and sorta got Ben the hook up on an interview. He has to wait for final word, and then needs to wait about a week for his security clearance process to be started... but Lamont thinks he probably has the job.... So, the other night when I kinda wondered where those prophetic words came from, now I think I know.....
I also had a long talk with a good friend I have had for a while today. We had some things come up between us in the past, and I do not think that they were ever truly resolved because of situations we were in before. Things have changed, and we swore to eachother that we would be up front with each other and never let someone come between us again. I feel a lot better and as if a huge weight was lifted from me. I don't know how she feels, but I am hoping that finding out the truth about a few things ends up not hurting her. I worried about telling her the things I did, but I did it with a trust that God would want us to be honest with one another, especially fellow believers. I waited to tell her the things I did, because I sort of had to, but I pray that we'll just learn from the issues that came up.... I know that it's been a hard year and half for me, as far as that goes, but I hope that we are truly headed back down a healthy road.
It's so good to be back home that I can barely stand it. I feel so much freer to be me around the people that know and love me. I couldn't wait to get away, and now I am so thankful to be back. Granted, things are a lot different, but I am so thankful that God got me out of here while He did, and brought me back into a better situation. I know we aren't supposed to look back and remenisse (I KNOW I SPELLED THAT WRONG) about how awesome the "good old days" were, but I am confident that God orchestrated this past year and a half that made no sense to me in order that I would get closer to Him! I needed to stop trusting people and rely on Him to sustain me everyday. I made some stupid choices along the way, but despite my earthliness, God still wants to use me for His good! It's always amazing to me when I can look back at a time when things made no sense in my life and see that God was working his wonders.
I'd get more specific about the situation, but it's a long story and I don't want innocent names brought into this.... just pray about the situation I described, because although I was honest with my friend, I am a little worried about how she is taking what I told her. There is still a lot of healing and forgiving that needs to go on, because of the hurts that were inflicted on us... it's always worse when the people hurting you are supposed to be spiritual leaders... I know we're all people, and we all mess up, but it hurts anyway....
Back to work on these ridiculous classes.................
We went to church this morning, car acting fine... things are so different there now, and I LOOOVE it, by the way. Anyway, we got into the car to drive to the Aberdeen Walmart, then home to the apartment, via route 40. We were at the stoplight at the intersection of 40 and W. Bel Air Ave., and as soon as I hit the accelerator to go, the car started to act all crazy. It did it's typical sluggish gear transition, then the battery light came on and the TRAC OFF light came on. I knew I had to get it off the road, because it was spazzing. Thank God I was in the slow lane. I pulled it right into a parked position right by Dee's Florist, and as I did, the steering wheel went dead.... Crazy enough, I seriously didn't panic! I really didn't, I was more like... wow, so I made it off the road before it died... I put it into park, then took the key out. Then, I started it back up and long story short, it's sitting in front of my Mom's. We're having Whitney take us to have it looked at in the morning. Apparently it appears that the problem is electrical now and not with the transmission which is a HUGE relief! We'll see what happens tomorrow!
This is actually funny to me... Last week Ben was aggrevated with me because I was telling him that he needed to be searching for a job closer to home, preferably in Harford County. He was online looking for a while and was getting annoyed because he wasn't finding anything new. I said to him, more matter of factly than I ever really do, "If God doesn't want you going to that job in Hanover, you won't be going." He was due to start there tomorrow, and now it doesn't look like he will be, do to our car situation. He had an interview on Friday with a contracting company on Post. The job pays a lot better and is closer to home. My sister's boyfriend used to work there and sorta got Ben the hook up on an interview. He has to wait for final word, and then needs to wait about a week for his security clearance process to be started... but Lamont thinks he probably has the job.... So, the other night when I kinda wondered where those prophetic words came from, now I think I know.....
I also had a long talk with a good friend I have had for a while today. We had some things come up between us in the past, and I do not think that they were ever truly resolved because of situations we were in before. Things have changed, and we swore to eachother that we would be up front with each other and never let someone come between us again. I feel a lot better and as if a huge weight was lifted from me. I don't know how she feels, but I am hoping that finding out the truth about a few things ends up not hurting her. I worried about telling her the things I did, but I did it with a trust that God would want us to be honest with one another, especially fellow believers. I waited to tell her the things I did, because I sort of had to, but I pray that we'll just learn from the issues that came up.... I know that it's been a hard year and half for me, as far as that goes, but I hope that we are truly headed back down a healthy road.
It's so good to be back home that I can barely stand it. I feel so much freer to be me around the people that know and love me. I couldn't wait to get away, and now I am so thankful to be back. Granted, things are a lot different, but I am so thankful that God got me out of here while He did, and brought me back into a better situation. I know we aren't supposed to look back and remenisse (I KNOW I SPELLED THAT WRONG) about how awesome the "good old days" were, but I am confident that God orchestrated this past year and a half that made no sense to me in order that I would get closer to Him! I needed to stop trusting people and rely on Him to sustain me everyday. I made some stupid choices along the way, but despite my earthliness, God still wants to use me for His good! It's always amazing to me when I can look back at a time when things made no sense in my life and see that God was working his wonders.
I'd get more specific about the situation, but it's a long story and I don't want innocent names brought into this.... just pray about the situation I described, because although I was honest with my friend, I am a little worried about how she is taking what I told her. There is still a lot of healing and forgiving that needs to go on, because of the hurts that were inflicted on us... it's always worse when the people hurting you are supposed to be spiritual leaders... I know we're all people, and we all mess up, but it hurts anyway....
Back to work on these ridiculous classes.................
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