Random Smathering of Thoughts and Feelings.

So many things going on in my brain at the moment. Things are going well, that's for sure. I think sometimes I put myself in a tizzy when there is change coming up. Sometimes I think I worry more when things are going right but changing than I do when things are so-so, but stable. I find myself being here in Frostburg wishing soooooo badly we could just move home already. There are some pretty awesome people here, do not get me wrong. I just miss home. This is a place to be at the moment, not home. "Home" isn't really home either if I look at my life with an eternal standpoint...

I went to an orientation for one of my classes I will be taking online this summer. It's all about Leadership. One thing the teacher talked about was being out of our comfort zone in order to grow. I am actually sort of sad that I won't have this class in a traditional way with him, because he seems like he would be pretty interesting to have for lecture. Anyway, I needed to be reminded about the whole comfort zone idea. I think that for this year I have been out of my comfort zone a little. The adjustment to being here was a little rocky. I've been pretty depressed on and off while I've been here. I've gained weight, and every woman knows that adds to the viscous cycle of being depressed. When you already feel crappy, your jeans being too tight doesn't help things much. Oh the woes of womanhood...

So yeah, comfort zone. I went on a little tangent there. :) I know from the past that God teaches me the most when I am not in my comfort zone. I think that Frostburg started out not being my comfort zone, since I really don't like change too much. I kind of avoided opportunities to hang out with people, for whatever reason. I can recall more than one instance last fall when I turned down invites to go do things. I don't know what my problem was. I can't go back and change things, but I can remember that next time I am in a change situation, and one is quickly approaching, that I need to take advantage of the invites to get involved and make new friends. I know that I will be closer to home, but it will be different.

I know that it might seem that going back where things are familiar would put me right back in my comfort zone, but my roles will be changed in every aspect of when I was there last. I'm "out on my own," not living with my mom anymore. I am a wife. I will be a teacher, not merely someone's assistant. I won't be in school anymore. These are all things that I hoped for when I was trying so hard to get through school. It seems to me that God took me away and is bringing me back there with a new role in life. It's both awesome, because my dreams are coming true, but scary because it's new.

I feel that God has prepared me so well for the things that will be happening here in the near future. I need to trust more and not worry. There is just a lot of emotion that goes into how excited and happy I am to finally have a teaching position!!!! It amazes me that I ended up at a school where I know so many of the teachers and am already familiar with the culture. I guess within the whole comfort zone mentality, I will be at a familiar place but with a new job. I remember how hard it was for me during the time of my life I was there. I was struggling with so many things in my life. I was ready to break off from the familiar things and the role of always being someone's sidekick. People wouldn't let me grow up. I don't mean within the job, but within my life. I was so sick of school. I just wanted to be done. It seems like it was so long ago, I think because of how different I am as a person. It was interesting to me as I interviewed that I was able to give answers that included my ability to see the big picture. I was a "little" person. I worked my way up.... I get to see things from so many perspectives. It's so neat to go back where I came from, a different person. And, despite my new roles and changes, people will still call me Lindsey Bennett! :) <--- which now is kinda like my mom yelling "LINDSEY JEANETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I'll deal though.

So, ugggh I need to stir up the motivation to get these assignments done for one of my classes. The term doesn't start until May 29th, but since we are moving that week and I have 3 classes all together, I am wanting to finish most of this class in the next week. It's interesting stuff, I'm just not in the thinking mode at the minute. I also have this crazy pillow project going on. I couldn't find any pillows I liked for our living room at the new place, so I got some fun fabric... and I am putting those sewing skills my mama instilled in me to use!!

Wow, I am so random. I think I really might have a touch of ADD. I am so serious. I took the online adult ADD screening a while back and I had most of the warning signs. Oh well. I think it helps me better understand my students! :) Later alligators!